From the Bohemian Gothic Tarot

Today’s cards are a comfort in the midst of turmoil and convince me more than ever that this exercise is beneficial in ways I did not expect.

I began this journal as a learning aid, to help me explore and make sense of the meanings associated with both the Tarot and the Bush Flower Essences. I didn’t expect any greater benefit than an increase in my knowledge. But I find an added and unlooked for bonus in the conversation it sometimes appears I am having with each day’s random cards.

As my father in far-off California once again battles the prostate cancer which I fear will ultimately kill him, my thoughts have turned inevitably from grief to anger to bitterness and betrayal and all the way back again. And I’m conscious that his thoughts too must turn in the same tumultuous directions. And it breaks my heart to be so far away from him and so unable to offer comfort.

The conversations we have are of simple things. I tell him of his grandchildren and he talks about football and his garden. He worries that I’m not getting on with my life and I worry that he’s not telling me the whole truth about his state of health.

And it’s all so desperately inadequate – which makes me angry and bitter and frustrated all over again.

 So today brings The World and Dagger Hakea and a message of acceptance.

The World is about completion and fulfilment and tells me that for all the inadequacies in our relationship, and the fractured nature of our family, we have much to be grateful for, Dad and I. There have been great sorrows and times when we had no time for each other but I’m proud of my dad and all he taught me, and even though he worries, I know he’s proud of me.

To focus on all those positive things at this dark time requires a little bit of Dagger Hakea – the essence to help family members and other close loved ones overcome long-standing and often unacknowledged resentments. Forgiveness and love are its positive expressions and those aren’t bad gifts on a dark day.