From the Peanuts Tarot

Reversed, a loss of strength – that quailing fear in the gut that tells you it was madness to ever think you had a chance. That’s how it feels to me today – I feel small, like Alice, overwhelmed by the bigness of it all.

I’m no stranger to this feeling, but I’m surprised that it should be here again so forcefully and surprised too that once again today’s Tarot describes my feelings so well and today’s Essence offers a light of encouragement in a dark place.

When my ex-husband left me four years ago I made the momentous decision to pack up my life and my two daughters and move to the other side of the world on nothing more than a hope that I could build something new for us. I did it, but it left me feeling so small once we got here that for months I couldn’t even say out loud what we’d done.

Well meaning mums at Kate’s school would ask me why we’d come here. I’d start to speak but before I’d got further than “my husband left me,”  my voice would drop to a whisper and I’d be unable to continue.

I’ve come a long way, but today with bad news from my Dad and all my friends and family so far away, I feel small all over again.

Isopogon helps us to retrieve old or forgotten knowledge. It reminds us that we possess all the tools and skills we need to overcome any challenge we are faced with and to look within for the answers we seek.

I know the truth of this, I’ve lived it. But I also keep remembering RD Laing’s observation, that the mystic and schizophrenic are in the same water – but the mystic swims while the schizophrenic drowns.

What if I should drown?