From the Robin Wood Tarot

Just when I thought I’d turned an emotional corner, an email from John sent me lurching back into turbulence.

He says he is torn apart by guilt and desperately needs an assurance that he didn’t ruin my life when he abandoned me and our two children without warning for the cowardly reason that he couldn’t make a choice between me and his married lover, so she made it for him. Then he gave me a year of hell as he tried to bully me into taking him back, all the while as he was living with her and her two children.

He wants an assurance that I am happy.

Well I am, but only because I took the rather extreme escape route of moving to the other side of the world, giving up a career I loved, the home I’d spent 15 years creating with him and all the wonderful friends who helped me endure that horrible nightmare he put me through.

Yes I’m happy, now. And now that he can see I am, he asks.

I’m also furious that he feels he can crash into my inbox whenever his conscience troubles him.

Given that the last time he saw me (just a few weeks ago), I was in the company of gorgeous Jason and obviously on Cloud Nine, I’m presuming what he really wants to know is whether he can still push my buttons.

I hope I have responded with the wisdom of both the Empress and Isopogon (which helps you to learn from past experience!).

To me, the Empress is serenity, confidence and a concern for the bigger picture. She is also the selfishness of the maternal principle.

There is not a trace of anger in my reply, nor a mention of my emotional state or personal relationships. I’ve just laid out the financial realities of a single parent family and how much more difficult it will be for me now that Kate is in high school.

I’ve reminded him that from the day he left he’s given me no financial assistance, just money direct to the girls. And that money never amounted to more than $50 a month for Kate and $300 a month for Anne when she was in high school. Now that Kate is in high school, I suggested, it might ease his feelings of guilt to increase her allowance.

As I said, I sincerely hope that I have lived up to the ideal of the Empress, and that I have learned some lessons, as per Isopogon, from my past dealings with John. Whether I’ve managed to win a bit more cash out of him for Kate remains to be seen.