From the Robin Wood Tarot

It has been a very long time since my last entry and so much has been going on that deserves recording, but today’s cards are specifically for my ex-husband John, so all else will have to wait.

They coincide with the news that he has been blacking out recently and epilepsy is strongly suspected.

This news comes after a very sad conversation I had with him not long ago, when it was so painfully obvious that he is utterly miserable in all aspects of his life.

He confessed that he came very close to getting on a plane – to anywhere – the other day when he happened to have his passport on him as passed near the airport on his way to an appointment.

A chat with Anne at the weekend disturbed me even more, as she reported that she suspects there are yet other health issues that he is not admitting.

Which brings me to today’s cards.

The 9 Swords is one of those difficult cards, which is so negative in its upright aspect that it is hard to see how its ‘blocked’ energy would manifest.

After a lot of thought I think I’ve got it, and it is disquieting as it echoes my fears for this man I loved so well for so long.

I know the state of mind denoted by the 9 Swords very well – the anxiety and racing thoughts that keep you awake in the night, all heading mercilessly to despair.

To deal with that state of mind positively involves a recognition that the light of morning does come – both literally and figuratively – and with it a new way of looking at things.

But what if the flow of your thought processes is blocked, through fear or guilt or any of the other emotions that prey in the dark of the night? The consequence must be a continuing downward spiral of despair, and a dangerous distortion of options and possibilities. Specifically, in relation to John’s current state, I fear that his obvious guilt and unhappiness over the divorce is having an impact on his physical health.

I’m struck by his emotional urge to escape at the airport and his sudden onset of epilepsy. Is it too hippie to wonder if his blackouts are an escape too? I do know that he has trouble admitting mistakes and talking about emotions – yep, I’ll put my hand up to that one too. But that makes me so sorry for him, because if he really does feel that the whole affair – from the affair to its consequences – if he really does feel that it was all a big mistake, how would he ever be able to admit that? To himself, let alone anyone else.

Isopogon helps us to make that connection between our current experiences and things that have happened in the past, so we can learn from old mistakes. Isopogon people tend to live too much in their heads.  

Heads are where those terrible anxious guilty thoughts arise that give us those 9 Swords moments.

This Essence helps us to reconnect with our hearts, where hope lies. I hope John will find a way through his long dark night.