Serenity Self-sufficiency Satisfaction

From the Robin Wood Tarot

There have been times in my life – and how I wish they would come again – when I have known that serene self-sufficiency of the 9 Pentacles.

But today I did not welcome her at all. I do not want to be alone. I do not want to be content with my own company.

I feel like a spoilt child even as I write the words, but it’s the truth. How long, Lady? How long?

Mint Bush is supposed to ease the turmoil we endure at testing times in our lives and last night I endured one of the loneliest nights in a long while. I’m prepared to admit, in the cold light of day, that I was digging the pit with my own hands but once I’d started down the path of Woe Is Me there was no turning back.

In a rather comforting recollection of Judgment, which I drew not long ago, Mint Bush helps us cope with the dross we must burn off before we can emerge at a new spiritual level. This can be understood as the trials and tribulations which are key to any mythological Quest, and there are many – from the Odyssey through the Grail to Harry Potter. Just as they are a metaphor for the process of growth and learning through experience, so is Mint Bush.

Sometimes the trials and tribulations of life become too much. Whether its divorce, illness or any other challenge which requires an overhaul of the status quo, there comes a point when it’s hard to see how to go on.

That’s how I felt last night, after Kate had gone to bed and I sat, once again, alone with the television and a glass of wine and no-one, absolutely no-one, with whom to share the minutiae of my day. What good was it, to have been strong enough to leave everything I knew so that my kids could have a better chance of happiness. What good was it, to have been smart enough to survive the slashing of our household income by two thirds and never, never, since the day he left, to have missed a bill or deprived my girls of anything. What good was it, to have been lucky enough to have all my expectations of life here fulfilled. What good was any of it, when I sit here on another lonely Friday night with only misery for company.

And now, on Saturday morning, Mint Bush and the serene 9 Pentacles promise that this, too, shall pass. They promise too that crises of faith, like the one I endured last night, will leave me stronger and perhaps a little wiser.

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