From the Peanuts Tarot

Since my last entry I’ve been feeling pretty crappy – vaguely unwell, sluggish, heavy and tired.

And I started the day pretty tearfully as well – over a rather innocuous remark from my friend Michelle last night, which certainly wasn’t meant to cause offence.

And even though I knew that, I stewed on it all night long.

And even though I knew full well there was no need for tears, I cried, for everything I lost when I left England. Security, a home I loved, the familiar, the known. But mostly the career. I had focus, ambition, respect, all that good stuff which I haven’t tasted for more than three years.

I want to feel like I used to – full of energy and with time to spare for everything I want to do. I’m so tired of feeling so tired.

And then I drew my cards for today – the Hermit, to remind me unequivocally that the element missing from my life at the moment – the element that was so important in those days I miss so much, is of course my regular meditation practice.

And Dagger Hakea – for the release of resentment against loved ones, as a warning not to let my oversensitive reaction to a well-meant remark fester into a sore on my friendship with Michelle.

A final point – I checked my diary and my period is indeed late. It’s 40 days since my last. No wonder I’m feeling crap.

I think my fears will indeed be realised –my hormone imbalance from the Pill is going to segue seamlessly into the menopause. I may never feel ‘normal’ again.

Lucky old me.

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