From the Robin Wood Tarot

Jason has withdrawn his suggestion to come over next month, and rightly so.

My response, both internally and externally, can be described via this week’s cards.

I have prided myself in not succumbing to the urge to ask him to move 10,000 miles to the other side of the world to be with me.

I have rightly seen it as a no-win strategy. He must come by his own desire or not at all.

But Rough Bluebell reminds me that if my desire is unspoken,  I have nevertheless attempted to manipulate him.

This Essence can be for those who play the role of the martyr, who ignore the needs of others in their bid to win the love and affection they crave. And isn’t that the unlovely side of my princess-in-the-attic act?

I have siezed every opportunity to remind him just how good we are together and worse, I’ve urged him to get out of Britain and expand his horizons – not by coming to Australia, obviously, anywhere in the world but here in fact, in a bid to disguise my true intentions.

Not so subtle, Mimi, not so noble.

When he suggested another holiday here my heart leapt instinctively and cried yes, yes, whatever the cost I will willingly pay.

But when he came to his senses at last so did I.

My head stepped in and applauded my gambling nature. It is good and right to risk all for love. But I must always remember I am not the only one at this table.

And I know the cost better than Jason because I’ve paid it, am still paying it.

I left my home and my family and followed my ex-husband John to the other side of the world. When he left me I truly was alone, a stranger in a strange land.

Let Jason put down whatever stake he’s prepared to play, but to manipulate him into a decision he’s clearly said he is not willing to make would not be an act of love.

Like my solitary seeker on the 8 Cups, I need to truly let go and move on.

It is a long, hard process, but at last I do feel more able to look at my relationship with Jason and see it clearly for what it is – a great and enduring friendship that briefly became something more.

It is taking a long time to settle back into our friendship and perhaps it is foolish to think it can ever be so simple again but it’s a friendship that is well worth the effort.

It never did deserve foolish game playing on my part and I’m grateful that my dear friend was ever more honest than I.

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