From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

The other night, in my new spirit of emotional honesty, I told Jason that I feel lonely and miserable without him and he said he felt the same.Well no, I said, again in the spirit of honesty. It is not at all the same.

Jason has always been content to be alone. In all the years I’ve known him he has been happiest when he isn’t sharing his life with someone.

Whereas I have always been clear that I want someone with whom to share my life. I do not want to walk alone, although I hope that never drives me into a relationship for its own sake.

And then… and then he said something which he has never said before. He said he was thinking about the future and where he wants to spend it. Yes, an option he’s considering is here with me.

This is big. I may be not in despair and I might not be afraid but I am lonely.

So when he said he was thinking of doing the one thing that would fulfil my heart’s desire, I am proud to say that I responded, not as a needy lover, but as an honest, dispassionate friend.

To leave behind family and friends, everything he knows, there’s a pain in that as I know all too well. I would not think less of him for finding it a pain too great.

As Jason weighs up his options and wrestles with the biggest decision of his life, he does not need me weeping down the phone. And I do not need to be soaring around on the wings of false hope.

So why the Star, the card of hope and bright prospects just when I must be on my guard against it?

Red_GrevilleaNumerologically, the Star (17) is linked to Strength (8). Perhaps that’s why its message to me this week seems to be:

What will be, will be. However things may appear, the only challenge is ever to live this moment well, because the future is unknowable. Where there is life, and the beautiful Star, there is always hope.

Red Grevillea offers the strength to leave stuck situations and is a perfect companion. Because we are stuck, Jason and I. One of us must move or this sweetest of romances will wither into something bitter in the end.

And, as Jason contemplates his move I note an interesting aspect of Red Grevillea’s energy.

Ian White says that if you give someone else Red Grevillea to help them out of their situation, don’t be too attached to your expectations of how they will respond.

So that is my very clear lesson this week. I must be strong and compassionate, trusting that whatever Jason decides to do it will be in his best interest and in mine.

And if it is to stay in England, which it very well may be, then so be it. We must press on through the loneliness, confident in the knowledge that we’re living the moment well, with honesty and love.

The Star this time is not for me to follow, but to emulate.

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