Posts tagged ‘ankylosing spondylitis’

The Emperor and Black Eyed Susan

Black Eyed Susan

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Hope that one day – some undefined day yet to come – Jason would come over and have some kind of closer relationship with me, that was enough. Or so I thought.

And then he did the one thing I never dared to dream he’d do. The thing that, by its sheer impossibility, kept those tears coming over all this time.

He asked me to marry him.

Not only that, but it means everything to him that my heart tells me it should.

The man who has spent his life preferring to be alone, with no claim upon his heart, now talks easily of being my protector and provider. He speaks of my daughters without hesitation as an integral part of ‘our family.’

He took a long time to make the decision but, once made, is just as steadfast on his new path as he ever was on his old.

And all the while I know that he is giving up all that’s secure and familiar to make a life with me. A girl doesn’t get to feel this special too often in her life.

The Emperor sits on his throne, the symbol of masculine power and protection used in service to his people, but his kingdom is barren and empty without his lady.

I would have been wooed enough by his willingness to come to the other side of the world for me, but an Empress I’m to be and as an Empress I am wooed. He is coming next month to put a ring on my finger.

Was ever lady loved so well?

Black Eyed Susan is for inner peace, patience and slowing down, a timely reminder in a hectic week filled with such excitement. Naturally it led to the inevitable flare-up of my ankylosing spondylitis.

But by Saturday night I was sitting under the stars with a glass of wine and basking in a golden glow of pure happiness.

The Lord of my Heart is on his way and I have no more need to fear.

The Tower and Gymea Lily

Gymea Lily

From the Peanuts Tarot

From the Peanuts Tarot

Oh come on! Just when I thought there was nothing left to go wrong… I put my back out rather seriously a mere two days before Jason’s arrival.

The reversed Tower signifies upheaval and disruption to established routines and, while not as drastic as its upright aspect, nevertheless signifies a breaking down, in order to create something new.

Gymea Lily is the Morrison essence – the one I associate most with my family. It addresses arrogance and promotes a bit of healthy humility.

With a crappy back, a wonky eye and a myriad of other niggly, irritating disruptions to all my carefully laid plans for Jason’s visit, I’m feeling anything but arrogant.

My pride is taking a dreadful battering. I want to be at my best for Jason’s visit – after all, I haven’t seen him for two years and at the very least I want to bear a passing resemblance to the woman of his memory.

Of course it would be nice to run towards my beloved, eyes gleaming with happiness instead of Iritis, but in my sorry tragedy of a romance, it’s not to be.

I’m prepared to take a very simple lesson from this week’s cards: I am not in charge here. The only choice I have is how to respond.

And, doubled over with every step an agony and a crazy enlarged pupil and the tiredness, the bloody tiredness – I’m a picture of humility on the outside so I might as well cultivate a bit of humble acceptance on the inside.

In other words, I better start trusting that none of this matters and I have wasted a lot of energy worrying about things on the periphery.

It won’t change the Main Event, a blessed few weeks with the man of my dreams.

Bent I may be, but not broken. It will be a happy new year.

5 Pentacles and Kapok Bush

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Kapok BushThe night is darkest before the Dawn, the last mile is the longest, etc etc.

Here are two perfect cards for the last stretch before the finish line.

The 5 Pentacles is the Poverty card – there is nothing left in the bank but hope and you can’t cash that.

It’s not just about money of course and, thankfully, there’s nothing poverty-stricken about my finances. It’s also about emotions, spirituality and, most significantly for the past week, health.

I’m exhausted. I’ve been tottering around in pain, blind, unable to think straight and yes, once or twice, I’ve hit the pit and felt that I simply could not go on.

But the 5 Pentacles is reversed, which promises a change of fortune, and Kapok Bush restores us when we’ve had the stuffing knocked out of us.

This feels more like more than the consequence of a difficult house move.

Five years ago, in December, I brought two children to the other side of the world with the promise of a better life for us all.

I was running on nothing but hope… and you can’t cash that.

It’s only now, with a secure job and all the trimmings that entails, that all the promises I made to those children are utterly fulfilled.

I am exhausted. And this last week has been a slog.

But here it is, the day before Christmas Eve, and my work is done.

All I have to do for the summer is relax, enjoy myself and share it with my dearest Jason, who will be here right after Christmas.

After that, after that…

There will be some exciting challenges ahead.

By then I will be fully rested and ready to meet them in my own inimitable hippie style!

The World and Sundew

Sundew

From the Bohemian Gothic Tarot

From the Bohemian Gothic Tarot

Home, but not yet hosed.

The reversed World promises completion but reminds me that there are still a few loose ends to be tied off.

And it’s true – no rest for the wicked but the end is at least in sight.

And speaking of sight… the consequence of all the stresses and strains of the past few weeks has been this week’s flare-up of my ankylosing spondylitis, complete with Iritis.

So, in a week resonant with the energy of Sundew – an essence which promotes grounding and focus – I have none.

My vision is blurred and fine details are quite literally obscured.

And here’s a laugh – Ian White clearly states that a number of indications for Sundew may be seen in the iris, “even irregular pupil size can be a sign of being split emotionally.”

This, in a week in which I’ve been given Hermatropine drops to enlarge the pupil in my right eye to truly bizarre proportions.

8 Pentacles and Wild Potato Bush

From the Robin Wood Tarot

After last week’s job application, this week was back down to business. I suppose that’s why I’ve turned up the diligent 8 Pentacles again.And the pool is closed for a few weeks, so Wild Potato Bush is here as a warning not to slide into inactivity.

Wild Potato Bush eases the frustration of physical restriction and of course the danger of physical inactivity for me is that I’ll seize up and really need some Wild Potato Bush!

That’s the trouble with ankylosing spondylitis. Gotta keep movin’ or the consequences get dire.

8 Wands and Macrocarpa

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Physical fitness and well-being, that’s what this week and these cards have been all about.

Since I started work in the Office of the Minister for Circumlocution and Obfuscation I’ve been swimming regularly before work at the public pool nearby.

My swimming stepped up a gear this week when I was handed a vital piece of information that I can’t quite believe I never figured out for myself.

You breathe OUT underwater.

So, in a very 8 Wands way, I’ve been streaking through the pool with new-found power and purpose.

Out of the pool, I’ve been feeling tired and drained, as my foot and hips have been playing up thanks to the ever-present burden of my ankylosying spondylitis.

Macrocarpa is a remedy for physical tiredness, especially the battered exhaustion brought on by pain.

In all, two highly appropriate cards for a very physical week.

The Chariot and Tall Mulla Mulla

From the Peanuts Tarot

All my New Year’s good intentions were crushed under the wheels of the reversed Chariot, thanks to some really unacceptable behaviour from yours truly.

I believe I ruined an outing to the movies for my cousin Janis and our daughters, Kate and Louise.

First, my excuses – my foot was hurting (latest in what seems to be a growing list of new symptoms related to my ankylosing spondylitis), I didn’t like the choice of film, and I was having a Jason Day.

All very boohoo-hooey for me.

But did I have to be such an utter bitch to all and sundry?

I snarled and snapped and made it abundantly clear to all concerned that I wasn’t having a good time and cast my very own pall of gloom over the entire occasion. How delightful of me. How selfish.

The Chariot is about the Ego and, reversed, that can signify an ego which needs some nourishment or, more appropriately in this case, an ego run rampant.

Tall Mulla Mulla is the loner’s essence and its energy could signify the heart of the problem.

I have become a bit too used to doing exactly as I please and am now gone too far.

I am, to put it mildly, a selfish bitch.

Not the start to the year I anticipated and only myself to blame.