Posts tagged ‘Balance’

Queen of Wands and Sydney Rose

Sydney RoseFor a few weeks now I have been a reversed Queen of Wands, struggling to recover that sense of balance I enjoyed for such a short time after Jason’s visit.

There are several reasons for the tip into the negative and all come under the heading of lack.

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Not least among them, Kate is going back to England soon to visit her dad. And it will be the first time she’s travelled alone.

Intellectually, I know that both she and I will be fine. I can even acknowledge that we will probably both ultimately enjoy the break from each other’s company.

But it’s hard not to focus on the sense of loss and stack it up next to the ongoing lack of Jason, and then to notice more and more little of pebbles of want lying in my path and then to stack them one by one on top of these two big rocks of sadness.

The Sydney Rose essence has been described by Ian White as the crowning glory of the Bush Flowers. Its serene message is the realisation that there is no separation between us, that we are all one.

Intellectually, this Queen knows this to be true. But in my reversed state of imbalance I suffer the melancholy and sense of isolation that must inevitably precede the full realisation of that crowning glory.

I am only human, with a yearning human heart.

I pray for strength to accept these physical separations which are my lot and the wisdom to put them in perspective.

Temperance and Boab

From the Robin Wood Tarot

I drew Temperance in its reversed aspect so the lesson is about balance. And what have I learned?

There is a tension in it, an ongoing tension which requires patience, practice and vigilance to master.

Balance is not a blessed state of relaxation after the struggle to get there, it is the struggle.

Temperance is depicted as an angel standing apparently completely at ease but he has one foot on land and one in the water and he is juggling three glass spheres. He must be freezing too, because it’s sunrise on a morning in early spring.

None of this shows in his demeanour and I imagined myself in his place, trying not to wobble with only one foot on solid ground – I never even got to the juggling.

So that is the challenge. The hormone imbalance and the struggle to find my place in the world, these are not temporary difficulties to overcome and move on from.

They are in fact the challenge of the game itself.

Boab is the essence that I feel a great respect for. It clears negative family and karmic patterns – the ones that are so ingrained in us that they can be hard to recognise for what they are.

But without an awareness of their place in our psyches, Temperance remains reversed.

To stretch the metaphor – comfortably, I think – they could be represented by those glass balls.

In relation to my week just gone – and at the heart of last week’s indignant letter to John’s mum – I believe my struggle for balance may stem from the warring attitudes of my own parents, deep in the heart of Boab territory.

My father trusted in fate and ended his life in peace. My mother, on the other hand, has lived her life in fear and has the future she always dreaded.

And I am struggling to find my balance between the two.

Justice and Monga Waratah

From the Robin Wood Tarot

This essence deals with neediness and co-dependency. And this card deals with balance, good judgment and acceptance.

The affirmation for Justice, according to Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm’s Druidcraft Tarot, goes like this:

“With clarity and discrimination, poised between Past and Future, the decision is made with compassionate understanding.”

This week has required a lot of clarity and discrimination.

The dominating feature has been the amazing and unexpected offer of a trip to Hong Kong in just a few weeks’ time.

It’s yet another farewell to my father, this time in the place where I grew up, where I got married, where I had my first child.

And it’s possible thanks to the generosity of his friends, the people who knew me last when I was just a child myself.

With no real obstacle to my going, I suddenly really do feel poised between Past and Future, in the oddest, least expected possible way.

The positive aspect of Monga Waratah chimes very well with Justice to provide some welcome support.

It helps a person to find their inner strength – or, as I would put it in my Hippie Philosophy, that hard-to-find balance between our needs and the needs of others –which is represented so well by the Scales of Justice.

This one’s for my Dad, but it’s also very much for me. That realisation made it hard to accept their kind offer to fly me there.

But strength is also knowing when to bend and accept a well-meant kindness in the spirit in which it’s offered. It will do no less honour to my father to be there on my own account as much as his.

And I think that’s my lesson for the week. My needs count too and it’s no shame to accept a hand when offered in honour of a beloved friend.

But to return to Hong Kong after all these years, as a free adult with no-one’s shadow over me… Now what lesson will I find in that?