Posts tagged ‘Isopogon’

4 Swords and Isopogon

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Another week in which I begin my journal entry with no idea of what I will write. So let’s see what develops –

The 4 Swords reversed signals that a time of withdrawal and inactivity is coming to an end.

And indeed I hope that proves true – a sure sign that it will, I suppose, as that must be in my own hands.

However, I can’t relate it particularly to the week just gone – I didn’t even manage to get to the pool for a swim, which I had been promising myself I would do.

Only one thing occurs to me to mention, and that was a chance meeting on the bus which took place on Friday.

It was on the way in to work and I got into conversation with a lovely young woman who admired my Winnie the Pooh backpack and my Lord of the Rings lunchbox. So there, Kate. How childish is it now?

I can relate Isopogon to this encounter because we exchanged email addresses and she emailed me when she got to work, seeking my assistance with a pop music quiz.

Trivial, yes, but Isopogon relates to retrieving past knowledge so its energy was definitely in play.

Yes, I am lonely. I have to admit it when a casual conversation on a bus is the highlight of my week.

I hope – I know – that I am more self sufficient than ever before but I would like to meet people like that nice young woman more often and enjoy a bit of trivia.

And, not to beat about the bush, if she were to bring along her smart, sexy, issue-free older brother, so much the better.

Oh well, a conversation on the bus is a toe in the water at least.

Bloody hell I need to get out more!

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2 Wands and Isopogon

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Two weeks, not one, since my last entry and bang in the middle was the wake for my father.

Isopogon is for retrieval of past knowledge – certainly appropriate for that marvellous gathering of people, all telling tales of him and reminding me of so many of the things he taught me.

With an enormous sense of relief – the relief of someone who has waited two months to lay a loved one to rest – I said goodbye to my father  in the best place possible – a crowded, down-to-earth restaurant in a knockabout town, surrounded by his friends.

My dad always valued his friends and taught me a lot about how to treat them.

He would say, ‘If you have one friend and you borrow $100 off him, what have you got? No friends – because he’s probably dirty on you because you still owe him 100 bucks, and no money, because you’re bound to have spent it.

‘But… if you have 100 friends and you borrow a dollar off each of them, what have you got? One
hundred dollars and 100 friends – because what friend is going to quibble about a lousy dollar?’

Now that, my friends, is some kind of lesson in values.

Judging from the wake I attended, and the numerous impromptu services and get-togethers throughout the world, I can only say that if my dad were thinking anything at all right now, it’s probably that he should have touched everyone for a hundred after all.

I got home exhausted. I felt I had an extreme case of jetlag – and if anyone knows jetlag, it’s me.

But it was, after all, a mere two-hour flight. So it was probably the cumulation of months of stress, from grieving over a hard loss to a few challenges on the job front, right through to the delights of the new teenager on the block.

This week’s topic: Why shouldn’t she get her belly button pierced?

The 2 Wands is about creative tension. Reversed, as it is today, its energy is blocked.

But it holds the seed of a joyous release into something dynamic and new – a promise that the tension will soon be released to spectacular effect.

The Empress and Isopogon

From the Peanuts Tarot

While the High Priestess is the Maiden, the Empress is the Mother – fertile, nurturing, generous and compassionate to all her children.

I welcome her energy today, as I am missing my daughter Anne terribly right now and I know the Lady, in her maternal aspect, understands how tricky it is to have her so far away.

In addition, the Empress empressively continues the theme of last week’s cards which explored the complexities of the heart and reminded me to keep my feet firmly grounded in reality while doing so.

Here, in the Empress card, is the embodiment of that endeavour and its results, a flowering, fulfilment, the wonder of creation that takes a glint in the eye and transforms it into new life.

Today’s essence Isopogon addresses the separation between heart and head by helping us to retrieve past knowledge, to access the Wisdom of Ages. And so, it seems, the lesson continues.

My yearning for my daughter is as old as Time. And, like all mothers, I must learn to accept that distance does not weaken the bond between us.

9 Swords Reversed and Isopogon

From the Robin Wood Tarot

It has been a very long time since my last entry and so much has been going on that deserves recording, but today’s cards are specifically for my ex-husband John, so all else will have to wait.

They coincide with the news that he has been blacking out recently and epilepsy is strongly suspected.

This news comes after a very sad conversation I had with him not long ago, when it was so painfully obvious that he is utterly miserable in all aspects of his life.

He confessed that he came very close to getting on a plane – to anywhere – the other day when he happened to have his passport on him as passed near the airport on his way to an appointment.

A chat with Anne at the weekend disturbed me even more, as she reported that she suspects there are yet other health issues that he is not admitting.

Which brings me to today’s cards.

The 9 Swords is one of those difficult cards, which is so negative in its upright aspect that it is hard to see how its ‘blocked’ energy would manifest.

After a lot of thought I think I’ve got it, and it is disquieting as it echoes my fears for this man I loved so well for so long.

I know the state of mind denoted by the 9 Swords very well – the anxiety and racing thoughts that keep you awake in the night, all heading mercilessly to despair.

To deal with that state of mind positively involves a recognition that the light of morning does come – both literally and figuratively – and with it a new way of looking at things.

But what if the flow of your thought processes is blocked, through fear or guilt or any of the other emotions that prey in the dark of the night? The consequence must be a continuing downward spiral of despair, and a dangerous distortion of options and possibilities. Specifically, in relation to John’s current state, I fear that his obvious guilt and unhappiness over the divorce is having an impact on his physical health.

I’m struck by his emotional urge to escape at the airport and his sudden onset of epilepsy. Is it too hippie to wonder if his blackouts are an escape too? I do know that he has trouble admitting mistakes and talking about emotions – yep, I’ll put my hand up to that one too. But that makes me so sorry for him, because if he really does feel that the whole affair – from the affair to its consequences – if he really does feel that it was all a big mistake, how would he ever be able to admit that? To himself, let alone anyone else.

Isopogon helps us to make that connection between our current experiences and things that have happened in the past, so we can learn from old mistakes. Isopogon people tend to live too much in their heads.  

Heads are where those terrible anxious guilty thoughts arise that give us those 9 Swords moments.

This Essence helps us to reconnect with our hearts, where hope lies. I hope John will find a way through his long dark night.

8 Cups and Isopogon

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Still smiling, and I felt the 8 Cups spoke directly of my new-found attitude.

The person on the card has made a choice – to turn away from the cups (here representing the warmth and companionship of a relationship) in favour of some time to explore the unknown – that mysterious world of the Inner Self, represented by the Moon and the mists.

Isopogon, which retrieves forgotten knowledge, reminds me that I’ve been here before.

I’ve been terrified since John left. From fear of burglars and break-ins to fear of never having a relationship again right through to the fear of getting into a relationship with an arsehole for fear of being alone.

But I have been alone before. It was a while ago but I did have my own little flat and I did manage perfectly well. If I could do it when I was 17 I can do it now I’m in my 40s. I just need to remember how.

The Empress and Isopogon

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Just when I thought I’d turned an emotional corner, an email from John sent me lurching back into turbulence.

He says he is torn apart by guilt and desperately needs an assurance that he didn’t ruin my life when he abandoned me and our two children without warning for the cowardly reason that he couldn’t make a choice between me and his married lover, so she made it for him. Then he gave me a year of hell as he tried to bully me into taking him back, all the while as he was living with her and her two children.

He wants an assurance that I am happy.

Well I am, but only because I took the rather extreme escape route of moving to the other side of the world, giving up a career I loved, the home I’d spent 15 years creating with him and all the wonderful friends who helped me endure that horrible nightmare he put me through.

Yes I’m happy, now. And now that he can see I am, he asks.

I’m also furious that he feels he can crash into my inbox whenever his conscience troubles him.

Given that the last time he saw me (just a few weeks ago), I was in the company of gorgeous Jason and obviously on Cloud Nine, I’m presuming what he really wants to know is whether he can still push my buttons.

I hope I have responded with the wisdom of both the Empress and Isopogon (which helps you to learn from past experience!).

To me, the Empress is serenity, confidence and a concern for the bigger picture. She is also the selfishness of the maternal principle.

There is not a trace of anger in my reply, nor a mention of my emotional state or personal relationships. I’ve just laid out the financial realities of a single parent family and how much more difficult it will be for me now that Kate is in high school.

I’ve reminded him that from the day he left he’s given me no financial assistance, just money direct to the girls. And that money never amounted to more than $50 a month for Kate and $300 a month for Anne when she was in high school. Now that Kate is in high school, I suggested, it might ease his feelings of guilt to increase her allowance.

As I said, I sincerely hope that I have lived up to the ideal of the Empress, and that I have learned some lessons, as per Isopogon, from my past dealings with John. Whether I’ve managed to win a bit more cash out of him for Kate remains to be seen.

Strength and Isopogon

From the Peanuts Tarot

Reversed, a loss of strength – that quailing fear in the gut that tells you it was madness to ever think you had a chance. That’s how it feels to me today – I feel small, like Alice, overwhelmed by the bigness of it all.

I’m no stranger to this feeling, but I’m surprised that it should be here again so forcefully and surprised too that once again today’s Tarot describes my feelings so well and today’s Essence offers a light of encouragement in a dark place.

When my ex-husband left me four years ago I made the momentous decision to pack up my life and my two daughters and move to the other side of the world on nothing more than a hope that I could build something new for us. I did it, but it left me feeling so small once we got here that for months I couldn’t even say out loud what we’d done.

Well meaning mums at Kate’s school would ask me why we’d come here. I’d start to speak but before I’d got further than “my husband left me,”  my voice would drop to a whisper and I’d be unable to continue.

I’ve come a long way, but today with bad news from my Dad and all my friends and family so far away, I feel small all over again.

Isopogon helps us to retrieve old or forgotten knowledge. It reminds us that we possess all the tools and skills we need to overcome any challenge we are faced with and to look within for the answers we seek.

I know the truth of this, I’ve lived it. But I also keep remembering RD Laing’s observation, that the mystic and schizophrenic are in the same water – but the mystic swims while the schizophrenic drowns.

What if I should drown?