Posts tagged ‘Jacaranda’

Ace of Swords and Jacaranda

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

JacarandaWhat a momentous, marvellous dream-come-true of a week.

Although it did not start that way, so let me tell it in order.

The sense of struggle and imbalance continued and reached its climax with another conversation with Jason that left me feeling bereft and isolated.

In the first weeks after his return to England we talked often and openly and honestly about our feelings. But you can’t do that endlessly without resolution.

The situation was unchanged. Two long-standing friends separated by thousands of miles, not to mention profoundly differing ideas on what we want from life, who stupidly fell in love.

Lately when we’ve spoken we’ve skirted around the feelings part, neither of us wishing to pick over that particular scab, but it looms so large it had turned into a barrier between us.

He’d ask me how I’d been and I’d say fine, when I was aching with loneliness. Back to the same-old, same-old. Our conversations went from deep sharing to shallow banalities, punctuated by awkward silence on both sides.

I kept getting the feeling he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how. Or perhaps that was just me feeling that way. I could no longer tell.

No wonder then, at the reversed Ace of Swords to mirror all this miscommunication and confusion.

Finally, it seemed to me the only possible answer was to call it a day and I sent him an email saying basically if it was a choice of mates or nothing I’d prefer the nothing.

Jacaranda is for clear-mindedness and decisiveness – an antidote for the state of the reversed Ace of Swords, but it is also the tree Jason fell in love with the first time he came over, so it’s always in my heart linked to him.

How sad then, how heart breaking, to see my cards on their shelf and realise how closely they matched the dreadful circumstances.

And then… and then, he emailed and then he called and gave me the one thing I lacked, the one thing the human heart cannot thrive without. He gave me hope.

I don’t know how long it will take or how exactly it will be achieved, but I do know that the man who always said he wanted to spend his life alone has changed his mind.

He wants to be with me, and that is enough – more than enough. The rest is detail. And he’s looking into the options and coming back to me. We will be together.

Reading Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, who developed the Druidcraft Tarot, I see this morning they have this to say about the reversed Ace of Swords:

“Too much separation (of polarities) creates imbalance and the Sword of the Mind separated from the Chalice of the Heart for too long can cause suffering.

You may have cut yourself off from someone or something with insufficient attention to your emotions, or you may feel cut off in this way by someone else.”

Bingo.

But my solution was to walk away. Thank all that’s holy that Jason’s was to run after me, run after me and give me his heart.

Yippee!

Knight of Swords and Jacaranda

From the Robin Wood Tarot

The reversed Knight of Swords waves his weapon around pretty indiscriminately.He needs to step back a bit and use his judgment, slow down and determine just where and when to attack.

Jacaranda types are similarly unfocused, rushing from one project to another, never getting anything actually done and worrying that the choices made are not the right ones.

Am I like that? I certainly fear I am.

So it’s perhaps no great surprise that suddenly I’m writing a job application.

If the rumours I keep hearing are true, there’s no job for me in the Minister’s office after the end of the year. And he and some of his staff can be pretty unpleasant to work for.

No doubt I will agonise in due course over whether I’m making the ‘right’ move – I always do. At the moment, however, it satisfies an urge to keep moving, restores that sense of direction that evaporates after, ooh, about every six months.

I also must record that I am not journeying through this June unscathed.

As the anniversary of my sister Maryanne’s death approaches, I was congratulating myself on finally managing to travel lightly through this difficult month when it hit me full force on Monday.

It’s coming up to nine years since she died so I feel I had a right to expect it to be easier. Maybe next year.

I hope I’m over the worst, but am going easy on myself for what remains. What Mimi wants, Mimi gets in horrible June.

6 Wands and Jacaranda

From the Robin Wood Tarot

The year is drawing to a close and so is my break from work, which I’m delighted to report has been refreshing and good.

I feel ready and able to get back to work and down to business.

Nevertheless, this oh-so-relaxing week was sorely needed.

It’s been a hard slog this year but the 6 Wands, the ‘winner’s card,’ says I made it, well done, with three big cheers.

What a nice note on which to end the year.

Jacaranda, meanwhile, helps to focus scattered energies and do away with dithering and indecisiveness – of which I do suffer when I’m feeling under pressure.

No pressure just now. Instead, I will go into the New Year with the intention of manifesting Jacaranda’s positive qualities – decisiveness; clear mindedness and focused attention

All is well and I am ready.

10 Swords and Jacaranda

From the Hello Kitty Tarot

I was really pleased to get this card today, as I thought it would be a challenging one (and it was Reversed, so I figured it couldn’t herald anything too bad!).

As usual, when in doubt I turned to the excellent Joan Bunning and, as usual, her view of it resonated strongly with me.

She spoke of an underlying humour in the card, which initially was a surprise, but made a lot of sense when I thought about it.

Ten swords in the back is excessive, so one way to read this card is as a gentle nudge that you may be making more of your troubles than strictly necessary. I think there are two possibilities when this card appears, and circumstances should make it obvious which one applies.

If you have truly been beset by troubles, then the 10 Swords carries a promise that the worst is over.

If you are catastrophising and feeling overwhelmed by circumstance, then Jacaranda would help to bring your thoughts – the province of the Swords – into focus and provide clarity and perhaps a new way of looking at things.

For myself, I’ll take the nudge and recognise that things ain’t so bad. I may be desperately unlucky in love – and largely by my own doing – but I’m pretty comfortable otherwise with the life I’m building. I’ll try and keep things in perspective and remember that lovelorn ain’t so rare a condition in this funny old world. There’s plenty out there who’d envy me for just the taste of love and here I am weeping that it’s not a feast.

The Devil and Jacaranda

From the Robin Wood Tarot

What a troublesome card, and one of the few where I prefer the traditional depiction, with its echo of the couple on the Lovers card, to Robin Wood’s,

But Wood’s couple are not chained at all, so I suppose it is even more obvious that it is their own desires that keep them from the light.

I drew the Devil Reversed and I read in one text that it could signify the ‘wilder shores of sexual excess’ – which it obviously doesn’t at the moment – ha ha!

What comes to me instead is this – I have more than once thought that John was very much my partner for the physical plane but I hope one day to meet the partner for my soul. Meantime, this card speaks to me of  a shedding of the illusions of the world – the idea that possessions bring security – and leaving me free to follow my heart.

And Jacaranda AGAIN – a message this morning to get on with my assignments, I think!

Wheel of Fortune and Jacaranda

The Wheel this time was in its Reversed aspect and while it may indeed herald a time of difficult change, its most important message is about the way we handle change.

As they say on Star Trek, resistance is futile.

The challenge of life is to understand change for what it is – inevitable and ongoing – and embrace it without fear. Since that is the source of my current imbalance – that fear of change – I will do my best to heed that warning.

Jacaranda for focused attention and clear mindedness? Well, it wouldn’t hurt, but I’ll just reflect on its positive qualities, for now anyway!

The World and Jacaranda

From the Bohemian Gothic Tarot

Whoa! Since drawing these cards, I’ve been feeling the old panic rising with every day. I haven’t felt like this for so long, but I knew it well in the months – nay years – since John left me so suddenly over four years ago now.

Why? And what can a card like the World have to do with it?

Logically, all is well. I’m busy, but managing. I feel very keenly the fact that I haven’t found time for a workout for weeks, but although the pressure is mounting, really there is no fear of not being able to manage in this new life I’ve built for myself and my daughters. The ‘time out’ of college is drawing to a close and it will soon be time to make my way once again.

Which brings me to a disturbing possibility… do I fear the success and completion signified by the World card? Am I afraid of taking the next step, of moving on in my journey… in only a few months after all?

Jacaranda addresses scattered thoughts and a lack of focus, just the way I feel at the moment, in direct contrast to the calm, centered awareness of my own power that has characterised the past weeks.

I pray for the strength and courage to face my fears with honesty. I want to be all that I can be, and with the grace of a loving Universe, believe I can achieve just that.