Posts tagged ‘robin wood tarot’

The Empress and Sydney Rose

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Sydney RoseAs my baby girl headed off alone to the other side of the world I needed the comfort of Sydney Rose like never before.

For how better could my state be mirrored than by the reversed card of the Lady in her maternal aspect?

My agitation wasn’t helped when she called me, as promised, on arrival and told me she’d been bothered in the transit lounge by a man who, after failing to get her phone number off her, had followed her around the airport. Finally she sought refuge in the toilets until they called her flight.

She’s 15.

I shouldn’t have been so shocked. I was 11 and walking home from school the first time a strange man confronted me on the path holding his penis and Anne, my eldest daughter, was 14 when she was stopped by a middle-aged man in the street who sidled up to her in the middle of the afternoon and asked her to show him a good nightclub. I just happened to be a few paces behind her and in a position to tell him in no uncertain terms where to get off.

But it is shocking. The hardest part of parenting is remembering that not everyone’s a potential rapist or murderer. We do our daughters no favours by trying to wrap them in cotton wool and keep them safe from our nightmares but if you think letting them walk alone to the shops is hard, try putting one of them on a plane and sending her off to the other side of the world.

But she was safe by then in her father’s house and, while I couldn’t quell the panic entirely, I had to be satisfied with that. Oh but I miss her and will miss her until she’s back home. The walk down the hall past her empty bedroom is long and lonely and dark and the house is quiet as the grave, but nowhere near as peaceful.

Sydney Rose is the reminder that the cords between us can bear any distance. Its intense, purest pink symbolises the healing power of love and reminds us that there is no separation between us because we are, ultimately, all one.

Ian White, Father of the Australian Bush Flower Essences, calls Sydney Rose the crowning glory of the Bush Essences. While we may understand our connection to each other on an intellectual level, Sydney Rose opens our hearts to a deeper understanding of that principle.

Does it help? A little. But the corridor is still dark and the house is still silent. The Empress is reversed and will remain so until her return.

Jason will be here to put a ring on my finger before I see my Kate again but even the joy of knowing that cannot quell the aching in my heart.

Page of Cups and Pink Mulla Mulla

From the Robin Wood Tarot

How am I to respond to a card which may herald the dawn of a loving relationship – and then doesn’t?

That’s to make it sound as if I was expecting it to – that I drew the promise of the Page of Cups and expected its fulfilment upon walking out the door – a chance encounter perhaps, a Mills and Boon meeting of eyes at a bus stop… You can picture the scenarios which sprang unbidden to my mind.

But I didn’t expect anything of the kind, not really. Crazy not stupid, after all.

I have made no secret of my loneliness and yearning for a relationship and of course I thought of romance as I drew the card, but only in a playful passing fancy.

The beginning of the week was dominated not by daydreams of a new romance but by thoughts of an old, long dead one, raised by a phone call with my eldest daughter Anne in faraway England.

She was telling me of the difficulties my ex-husband John is having with his new partner’s 11 year old son.

The boy was never an easy child and now it seems his father is encouraging him to be difficult.

I thought that was a shame, as I always regarded him as a decent man.

And then Anne told me what I didn’t know – as factory manager John had recently made him redundant.

So John has taken this man’s wife and children, his home and now his job too. That would stretch anyone’s sense of decency.

And I cried for my John.

I cried for the good man who did one bad thing and has been sinking further into the crap it generated ever since.

And that’s what the gentle, loving Page of Cups brought me. Not romance but compassion for the poor frightened boy who made a mess and never found the courage to admit it, let alone try and clean it up a bit.

Pink Mulla Mulla is for people who are unable to resolve a deep hurt, wrong or injustice which can make them suspicious of people’s motives, allowing them no rest.

I think again of my sorry ex and all the people touched so cruelly by his one, huge mistake.

What I don’t see anywhere is black-hearted malice, just tragedy on tragedy and misery for the ones who can’t find a way to make some running repairs and move on.

For myself though, this Page does also signify new beginnings and all the hope, optimism and excitement they generate.

I closed the week by saying goodbye to the Minister’s office, fond farewells and good wishes ringing in my ears.

I have the key to my new office and on Monday will begin serving the good people of Outer Smuggington, on behalf of their new MP.

And maybe, just maybe, there will be another new beginning around the corner… but patience, Precious, patience.

All good things in their own time and turn.

Wheel of Fortune and Philotheca

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Christmas is where I mark the year just ended before preparing to greet the New Year to come.

Since leaving England just before Christmas four years ago, I can’t help measure my progress against my state as it was back then and this year is no different.

That first year, my cousin Janis said, I was like a ghost, a shadow.

I felt like Alice. Too small for the task I had undertaken.

When people asked me why I’d left England, I’d start to tell them.

“Well, I’m not English. I was only living there because my husband was English. And when he left me… ”

Then my voice would drop to a whisper. I simply couldn’t utter what I’d done in anything bigger than that.

And the face of the kindly stranger, whether it was a mother at Kate’s new primary school or the woman in the real estate office who took my rent money, would look at me strangely.

Eventually I realised it looked a lot like awe.

And it seemed to me like the strangest reaction of all. Perhaps what I expected was pity. I don’t know now. It all seems so far behind me.

Since I washed up like an exhausted shorebird it seems like my biggest task has been coming to terms with the awful disconnect between small, scared me and the huge courageous thing which I undoubtedly did.

Small, unassuming Philotheca is for letting in praise and acknowledgement, for accepting life’s gifts as your due.

Four years down the track and I feel less daunted by what I did. I feel less like Alice, suddenly tiny and afraid of drowning in a sea of my own tears.

“I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out. “I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears!”

My returning confidence makes me think of little Philotheca humbly opening her petals to the warmth of the sun.

I do not yet have the perspective to fully absorb what I did, but I’m getting there.

Part of that process is each year to compare my state of well-being with that first year. And once again, as in each year so far, I am stronger and happier and more my own size.

That’s in spite of some pretty big knocks in the past 12 months, from my beloved dad dying to all the snot and trauma of the Great Long Distance Love Affair with best friend and perfect guy Jason.

Why’d you have to wait until I was on the other side of the world before you said anything? How could I have stood so close to you for all those years and not seen what was in your eyes?

Is there a rational way through the blithering blinding pathways of love?

If Tom Robbins can’t help with this one, no one can.

Still Life with Woodpecker

In spite of the idiocies of romance and still too much crying in the air, the Wheel of Fortune turns right now to a good place for me.

I finish the year with a sense of completion, of a difficult period behind me. There’ll be the odd bit of mopping up yet to do, but the hard work is over and, as far as the whole Jason thing goes, it must run its course I suppose.

And no doubt there will be a lot more barking at the moon before it’s done.

As part of my review of the year, I was totting up my assets and enjoying the marvellous – and unfamiliar – experience of having a bit of cash in the bank, a healthy credit card and all my outgoings covered.

Enough really is plenty, but is it the right time to be buying a bookcase?

The Wheel of Fortune and Philotheca said a loud and clear yes.

It’s a small reward for a job well done and a good way to celebrate my good fortune.

Times have been hard. But right now, they are not. Time to learn how to accept my good times with the same bold spirit as my bad.