Posts tagged ‘Sydney Rose’

The Empress and Sydney Rose

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Sydney RoseAs my baby girl headed off alone to the other side of the world I needed the comfort of Sydney Rose like never before.

For how better could my state be mirrored than by the reversed card of the Lady in her maternal aspect?

My agitation wasn’t helped when she called me, as promised, on arrival and told me she’d been bothered in the transit lounge by a man who, after failing to get her phone number off her, had followed her around the airport. Finally she sought refuge in the toilets until they called her flight.

She’s 15.

I shouldn’t have been so shocked. I was 11 and walking home from school the first time a strange man confronted me on the path holding his penis and Anne, my eldest daughter, was 14 when she was stopped by a middle-aged man in the street who sidled up to her in the middle of the afternoon and asked her to show him a good nightclub. I just happened to be a few paces behind her and in a position to tell him in no uncertain terms where to get off.

But it is shocking. The hardest part of parenting is remembering that not everyone’s a potential rapist or murderer. We do our daughters no favours by trying to wrap them in cotton wool and keep them safe from our nightmares but if you think letting them walk alone to the shops is hard, try putting one of them on a plane and sending her off to the other side of the world.

But she was safe by then in her father’s house and, while I couldn’t quell the panic entirely, I had to be satisfied with that. Oh but I miss her and will miss her until she’s back home. The walk down the hall past her empty bedroom is long and lonely and dark and the house is quiet as the grave, but nowhere near as peaceful.

Sydney Rose is the reminder that the cords between us can bear any distance. Its intense, purest pink symbolises the healing power of love and reminds us that there is no separation between us because we are, ultimately, all one.

Ian White, Father of the Australian Bush Flower Essences, calls Sydney Rose the crowning glory of the Bush Essences. While we may understand our connection to each other on an intellectual level, Sydney Rose opens our hearts to a deeper understanding of that principle.

Does it help? A little. But the corridor is still dark and the house is still silent. The Empress is reversed and will remain so until her return.

Jason will be here to put a ring on my finger before I see my Kate again but even the joy of knowing that cannot quell the aching in my heart.

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Queen of Wands and Sydney Rose

Sydney RoseFor a few weeks now I have been a reversed Queen of Wands, struggling to recover that sense of balance I enjoyed for such a short time after Jason’s visit.

There are several reasons for the tip into the negative and all come under the heading of lack.

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Not least among them, Kate is going back to England soon to visit her dad. And it will be the first time she’s travelled alone.

Intellectually, I know that both she and I will be fine. I can even acknowledge that we will probably both ultimately enjoy the break from each other’s company.

But it’s hard not to focus on the sense of loss and stack it up next to the ongoing lack of Jason, and then to notice more and more little of pebbles of want lying in my path and then to stack them one by one on top of these two big rocks of sadness.

The Sydney Rose essence has been described by Ian White as the crowning glory of the Bush Flowers. Its serene message is the realisation that there is no separation between us, that we are all one.

Intellectually, this Queen knows this to be true. But in my reversed state of imbalance I suffer the melancholy and sense of isolation that must inevitably precede the full realisation of that crowning glory.

I am only human, with a yearning human heart.

I pray for strength to accept these physical separations which are my lot and the wisdom to put them in perspective.

The Tower and Sydney Rose

From the Peanuts Tarot

I’m at a bit of a loss as I begin, wondering how to relate the reversed Tower to the past week.

Work has been truly fantastic – my stint at Parliament went even better than I could have hoped.

Three months to impress the Minister and his Chief of Staff? Three days will do!

And three days away from the poisonous air of the office were welcome too. No sign of the Tower reversed there – unless he can stand for change and illumination without pain, which I frankly don’t believe.

But while I enjoyed one of the best working weeks of my life – truly – there was frustration, tears, hurt, longing and loneliness at home. I don’t want to dwell on that at the expense of my pleasure in my Parliamentary debut, but obviously for the sake of my learning I must.

Sydney Rose is a very special essence. It helps us to recognise that we are all One, a profound insight that is easy enough to appreciate intellectually but almost impossible to realise as a direct, factual experience.

Its flipside, however, is something we are all familiar with and certainly is an accurate description of my darker feelings of the week: Loneliness, melancholy, isolation – yip, that about sums it up.

There was only one person in the frame to share my glory and that was my cousin Janis.

She emailed me on Day Two with apologies for having to cancel her visit this weekend. Her life is currently more chaotic than usual. Her daughter Louise, however, will be over as planned.

I am so sorry for Janis’ continuing struggles and I know it’s not at all intentional, but I felt dumped.

And that made me nasty. Stew long enough and I can come up with this:

She has no time for me, yet is perfectly happy to send Louise over weekend after weekend, with no contact with me at all. I feel like a child minder.

My payment is to lose Kate for the other weekends, when she goes to say with Louise, so the effect is that every weekend I spend alone.

And the ones when Louise is here feel the loneliest of all.

So here I was this weekend, missing my graduation (if you recall, on the same grounds of having no one to share it with, boohoo), with no one to tell my triumph to, and who was the first person to call, to hear my news?

The ex-husband, who made snide remarks to boot about it not being a real Parliament because it’s not British, reminding me again of why the world feels a special fondness for his nation.

But back to me: Here I am, royally double-dumped.

I am not ready for the lesson of the Sydney Rose. The idea of being One with that bastard makes me shudder, probably because I was for so long.

All of the above poison-spitting aside, I am lonely.

That’s what it comes to. I am achingly lonely. The loneliness of the shy, single person.

I need to learn how to impose on people, but have no idea where to begin.

The reversed Tower has presided over no insights at all on the matter.

I stand alone with the only thing I have ever known: That to expect anyone else to stand by me for any great length of time is a fool’s wish.

They all go in the end and I alone remain.