Posts tagged ‘The Aces’

Ace of Swords and Jacaranda

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

JacarandaWhat a momentous, marvellous dream-come-true of a week.

Although it did not start that way, so let me tell it in order.

The sense of struggle and imbalance continued and reached its climax with another conversation with Jason that left me feeling bereft and isolated.

In the first weeks after his return to England we talked often and openly and honestly about our feelings. But you can’t do that endlessly without resolution.

The situation was unchanged. Two long-standing friends separated by thousands of miles, not to mention profoundly differing ideas on what we want from life, who stupidly fell in love.

Lately when we’ve spoken we’ve skirted around the feelings part, neither of us wishing to pick over that particular scab, but it looms so large it had turned into a barrier between us.

He’d ask me how I’d been and I’d say fine, when I was aching with loneliness. Back to the same-old, same-old. Our conversations went from deep sharing to shallow banalities, punctuated by awkward silence on both sides.

I kept getting the feeling he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how. Or perhaps that was just me feeling that way. I could no longer tell.

No wonder then, at the reversed Ace of Swords to mirror all this miscommunication and confusion.

Finally, it seemed to me the only possible answer was to call it a day and I sent him an email saying basically if it was a choice of mates or nothing I’d prefer the nothing.

Jacaranda is for clear-mindedness and decisiveness – an antidote for the state of the reversed Ace of Swords, but it is also the tree Jason fell in love with the first time he came over, so it’s always in my heart linked to him.

How sad then, how heart breaking, to see my cards on their shelf and realise how closely they matched the dreadful circumstances.

And then… and then, he emailed and then he called and gave me the one thing I lacked, the one thing the human heart cannot thrive without. He gave me hope.

I don’t know how long it will take or how exactly it will be achieved, but I do know that the man who always said he wanted to spend his life alone has changed his mind.

He wants to be with me, and that is enough – more than enough. The rest is detail. And he’s looking into the options and coming back to me. We will be together.

Reading Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, who developed the Druidcraft Tarot, I see this morning they have this to say about the reversed Ace of Swords:

“Too much separation (of polarities) creates imbalance and the Sword of the Mind separated from the Chalice of the Heart for too long can cause suffering.

You may have cut yourself off from someone or something with insufficient attention to your emotions, or you may feel cut off in this way by someone else.”

Bingo.

But my solution was to walk away. Thank all that’s holy that Jason’s was to run after me, run after me and give me his heart.

Yippee!

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Ace of Wands and Philotheca

From the Robin Wood Tarot

When I took the job in the Office of the Minister for Circumlocution and Obfuscation, it was with the explicit intention of spending this year with my prime focus on my writing.

Promotion, therefore, was neither sought nor expected. But when it was offered, I was thrilled.

I’ve been given a wonderful opportunity to work as the Minister’s personal assistant, based in his rather grand office at Parliament House when it’s sitting.

This last week was my first in the role, with my first Parliamentary week next week.

I was feeling pretty stroked and stoked at the outset. What an incredible opportunity to land unlooked for in my lap.

It didn’t last. I was running up and down the corridor, hand-holding my replacement in the receptionist job and cleaning out my new office which had been left in a horrible state.

I was already feeling that I’d been dumped in at the deep end when I heard the rumour going around the office.

The rumour is that my new job has been promised to Mandy the regular receptionist on her return from maternity leave. That I’m really just a fill-in and my three months probation will finish just in time for her to come back to work.

It’s all office politics – and I’ve never seen it played so hard and dirty as in a political office.

It goes something like this: June, the Minister’s previous personal assistant, had been engaged in a long and bitter war with office manager Christine.

I can attest that Christine was bullied relentlessly and undermined at every turn by June, who is possibly the most obnoxious person I’ve ever met. She is a big, loud woman who thunders through the corridors of power terrorising even the most senior advisors.

The first time I encountered her was a fairly typical example of the woman.

I heard her coming long before I saw her. A voice shouting from the furthest reaches of the ministerial floor getting louder as she progressed down the hall from the grand ministerial office suite all the way to my desk out the front, getting louder with every step.

“Which of you f***ing tea-leaves has stolen my f***ing pen? The Minister gave me that pen and I want it back.”

Astonishingly, every single one of the Minister’s staff dropped what they were doing and instituted a hunt for the missing pen. When it turned up, on her desk, she offered no apology for accusing her colleagues of theft.

I soon learned that this dreadful woman had a particular target in the form of Christine, the office manager, and had been waging a sustained and ugly campaign against her.

The rest of the Minister’s staff, all of them, are terrified of June, who is known to have the Minister’s Ear. While they tried to alleviate Christine’s misery, they never once stood up for her, as far as I could see, lest the Wrath of June fall upon their heads.

Last week June emerged victorious. Christine resigned and June replaced her as office manager – hence my sudden promotion.

The Minister’s Advisors, who have all at one time or another been on the wrong side of June, have each quietly taken me aside and warned me to be careful.

They say this coup has been a long time in the planning and June’s next obvious move is to get her best friend Mandy, currently off having a baby, into her old chair.

They believe she has no intention of confirming my appointment at the end of the probation period and there’ll be nothing I can do about it, except keep an eye out for another job.

I plummeted from feeling recognised and appreciated to used and abused and it wasn’t nice.

Philotheca is about letting in praise and acknowledgement – hard when you feel you’re being seen as a caretaker for someone widely acknowledged as useless.

Because that’s the other thing. If there’s one thing everyone in the office agrees on, except the Minister obviously, it’s that both June and Mandy are completely rubbish at their jobs.

I’m beginning to think that June has a bit more than the Minister’s Ear.

It’s hard to avoid feeling that everything has gone spectacularly wrong.

The extra responsibilities of the new job – so welcome when it seemed to be a step forward after years of standing still – mean that I’ve failed in my primary purpose too. The one where I was supposed to sit in a cushy government office and write erotic novels in between answering the telephone.

I threw it away in a fit of vanity and my life at work has gone from easy pleasantries to being whispered at every time I leave my desk about the precariousness of my position.

And then I looked at the situation again.

My abilities are acknowledged and recognised – by the departing Christine and by the advisors – and I have at least three months to show them off to the Minister, his Chief of Staff and all those people I’ll be dealing with at Parliament House.

And back in the office, without the bother of the phones, I should have more time for writing, not less.

All I have to do is my best, and trust that the reversed Ace of Wands will right itself in due course.

Ace of Wands and Waratah

From the Robin Wood Tarot

What comes first, the positive card or the improved outlook?

I started the day with an excellent meditation, whizzed through the day’s work, then got home and had a very productive writing session – first in how long???

And even got the house looking sparkly.

So a very Ace of Wands kind of day – creative, active, productive and full of energy.

The Ace of Cups held the promise of a new beginning and the Ace of Wands heralds its arrival. I’ve finally taken the plunge back into life and it feels great.

Why was I cleaning? Because, unlike office work, you get to do it in hiding. And I’ve been in hiding for so long now. Turns out temping is a good halfway house – I can practice working with people without actually joining in. And I’m really enjoying it. And I’ve no doubt that it won’t be long before I’m back to my old sociable self.

I’m also certain that it won’t  be too long before I find a permanent job. My skills are good and it doesn’t seem difficult to impress.

Which begs the question – what’s Waratah doing here?

Waratah is one of the most powerful of the essences and addresses deep despair – the long dark night of the soul.

Strange, how I’ve come to expect that the two cards will form a natural complement. Today on the surface there is no connection at all.

Strange too, that Waratah provides a comfort. Because underneath all the excitement and action of the Ace of Wands, my soul sits in a stew of grief.

Every conversation with my father feels like it may be the last. The conversations are good and it doesn’t feel like there are any unsaid things between us. And we’ve both known, since my last visit to him, that it would be like this. In a way, it’s a lot easier than seeing him as he must be now.

It’s possible we both prefer it.

The talking to him’s lovely. The saying goodbye is horrible.

Waratah feels like an understanding hug.

Ace of Cups and Little Flannel Flower

From the Druidcraft Tarot

So much activity since my last, rather highly strung, entry and so many opportunities for discouragement and despair

… And yet, rather than despair I have found reason after reason for laughter and optimism.

The twin energies of the Ace of Cups and Little Flannel Flower have been in play while I have been whacked at every turn in trying to fulfil a birthday wish for my little Kate.

The Ace of Cups offers the gift of love –at its highest level infinite spiritual love, as revealed by the Buddha. The awareness of our universal connectedness and trust and faith in the ultimate mystery of life.

Little Flannel Flower suggests a logical, and yet seldom practised, response to that love – the playfulness, joy and spontaneity of the inner child. The Buddha smiles.

There is not time, space nor inclination to detail all the events of the past few days but my decision to get Katie an Ipod for her birthday set off a disastrous chain of events.

Too late I discovered my old computer wasn’t up to technological speed and my attempts to install the thing led to everything getting wiped from my computer.

Gulp.

My finances couldn’t be more precarious. The Ipod was a serious purchase. Now I’m stuck with the need for a serious and unplanned computer upgrade right at a time when I can least afford it. Without it, apart from anything else, the bloody Ipod’s a bit redundant.

I might be looking for some better paid admin work, but right now I’m a part-time cleaner. I’ve stayed debt-free since disentagling myself from the wreckage of the marital finances but I have no spare cash lying around.

While my dad lies dying in far-off California, I can’t contemplate the possibility of going to his side. And now, to please a teenager, I’m faced with the choice of going into debt to buy a luxury item.

Sheesh.

Well, I did what any fool of a First World mum would do and discovered that my appalling income-generating circumstances were no barrier to a ’24-month no deposit, interest-free deal.’

Crazy? Probably. So I giggled and got on with it and decided I might as well enjoy the thrill of a brand new computer as much as Kate – what a bumper birthday it turned into for her.

I refused to feel guilty about buying a computer and not a plane ticket. That’s a dumb one. You don’t get ‘buy now pay later’ deals on airfares.

And I refused to worry about the debt and just trust that long before they try and slug me I’ll have got a good job and have paid for the whold thing. 

The trust and faith of the Ace of Cups and the playfulness of Little Flannel Flower.

Spooky end to the tale.

With the computer all up and running – as you can see – I then got a call offering me two weeks’ work from Monday. I’ll be doing some admin work in a government office. It’s what I’ve wanted. They say getting a temp job in the public  service is the best way to eventually get a permanent position.

So… why worry?

Maybe things don’t always turn out for the best, but more often than not, they do.

The Ace of Cups and Little Flannel Flower say, Enjoy a risk or two. Some pay off, some don’t, but you’ll have more fun before you die.

That’s what I hear.

Ace of Cups and Southern Cross

From the Victorian Romantic Tarot

On the face of it the Ace of Cups seems to have nothing to do with the past two days, which have been dominated by money concerns and rejections of numerous job applications.

Southern Cross is the martyr essence – for a victim mentality and poverty consciousness. It helps you to recognise your own power and transform your situation by transforming your thinking.

I think it signals a danger of feeling sorry for myself, while the Ace of Cups reminds me of my many blessings and promises blessings still to come.

Ace of Pentacles and Alpine Mint Bush

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Alpine Mint Bush is the carer’s essence. It’s for burnout, arguably what I’ve been suffering from these months past.

And the Ace of Pentacles denotes abundance, bounty, success – both material and spiritual. Reversed, as it is today, those blessings are still there, perhaps, but not recognized or utilized.

Or is it the barren ground of burnout, where all energy and hope is spent?

The latter, I think. I’m starting to feel I need some help in getting started on the next stage of my life. Because I don’t seem to be making much progress on my own.

Ace of Wands and Hibbertia

From the Robin Wood Tarot

What comes first, the more balanced, positive frame of mind or the positive card?

Whichever it is, today I felt full of energy and totally aware of the beauty of the day and all its promise.

Even so, I cried – as I seem to do just about every day – but not with the despair of last week. It’s more like a leaking of the soul, triggered by a sad song or a wistful thought. I can accept the sadness, because there’s a few things to be sad about but the despair is a different matter.

So, the creativity and forward propulsion of the fiery Ace of Wands is in play today but the danger of impetuosity is tempered by Hibbertia, which helps us to integrate head and heart for true wisdom.

For myself, I’m happy with the diagnosis that it’s been a conflict between head and heart that has been holding me back.

I’m not naive enough to think that one great day resolves all, but I am content in the knowledge that a small start has been made.