Posts tagged ‘Wands’

8 Wands and Flannel Flower

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Flannel FlowerThe last week before Jason arrives, not as my friend or lover, but as my intended husband, my soul partner.

Is it any wonder that the stalled energy of the reversed 8 Wands should dominate?

The minutes are crawling toward the appointed hour but thankfully we have the spirit of playfulness and intimacy of Flannel Flower to see us through.

But the phone bills are going to be truly frightening.

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Queen of Wands and Sydney Rose

Sydney RoseFor a few weeks now I have been a reversed Queen of Wands, struggling to recover that sense of balance I enjoyed for such a short time after Jason’s visit.

There are several reasons for the tip into the negative and all come under the heading of lack.

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

Not least among them, Kate is going back to England soon to visit her dad. And it will be the first time she’s travelled alone.

Intellectually, I know that both she and I will be fine. I can even acknowledge that we will probably both ultimately enjoy the break from each other’s company.

But it’s hard not to focus on the sense of loss and stack it up next to the ongoing lack of Jason, and then to notice more and more little of pebbles of want lying in my path and then to stack them one by one on top of these two big rocks of sadness.

The Sydney Rose essence has been described by Ian White as the crowning glory of the Bush Flowers. Its serene message is the realisation that there is no separation between us, that we are all one.

Intellectually, this Queen knows this to be true. But in my reversed state of imbalance I suffer the melancholy and sense of isolation that must inevitably precede the full realisation of that crowning glory.

I am only human, with a yearning human heart.

I pray for strength to accept these physical separations which are my lot and the wisdom to put them in perspective.

6 Wands and Wisteria

Wisteria

From the Druidcraft Tarot

From the Druidcraft Tarot

When I can see no obvious connection between the week’s cards I feel uncertain and uncomfortable, as if I must be missing something.

Isn’t it interesting how my mind is so determined to find links and meanings in two random choices that I’ve become so easily convinced they exist.

I drew the 6 Wands in its reversed aspect in a week which has been dominated by difficulties with my new assistant at work. He is much older than I am and we’re not settling in well together.

The reversed 6 Wands can indeed indicate conflict at work as well as a reluctance or dificulty in taking on a leadership role.

Wisteria, on the other hand, is an essence for female sexuality. Yah, I know! But none of those connections there, I hastily assure you.

When the obvious doesn’t do it, go deeper, I always say.

If we think of the interplay between male and female as it exists beyond the physical plane we can see it expressed in gender roles and that includes in the workplace.

So, I’m the office manager and he’s my assistant. The only other person in our workplace is the boss, who isn’t often on the premises which leaves us mostly on our own.

Sounds almost like a couple relationship, doesn’t it. And some of the difficulties are pretty much the same.

I’m sure they’re compounded because, as an older man, he’s probably finding it difficult to cede the leadership role to me.

If this isn’t a pretty primal struggle for balance between male and female gendered roles, I don’t know what is.

I also don’t quite know how to deal with it, but a bit of Wisterian self assurance on my part would no doubt help.

9 Wands and Flannel Flower

From the Robin Wood Tarot

From the Robin Wood Tarot

TFlannel Flowerhe 9 Wands is the card of the final challenge, of getting your breath back before going out for the last fight.

Last? Because you know you’ve not the strength to go further.

But its ruler is the Hermit and therefore there’s a real possibility that the looming last stand is an internal one. And maybe it’s about learning how to live beyond the battle.

After living in a state of combat readiness for any prolonged period, peace can be the biggest challenge of all.

And that’s what this lovely first week of my summer holiday with Jason has been about – adjusting to the peace.

With England-like weather (and that’s not a good thing) for most of it and a little difficulty on Kate’s part in coping with Jason’s presence, it took until Friday before I took that deep breath and felt like I was on holiday.

But if it’s taken a wee while to come to terms with the peace, Flannel Flower has been a playful and joyful remedy to see me through.

And one of its primary outcomes is an ease in the expression and enjoyment of intimacy. Very apt, given my present circumstances!

6 Wands and Pink Flannel Flower

From the Robin Wood Tarot

When it’s hard to know where to start, it’s best to start at the beginning.

Almost immediately after my last entry I took a cup of tea on to my beautiful veranda with the specific intention of enjoying the sense of peace, security and joy that it has offered from the start.

I had not been there five minutes when a car drove slowly by, then turned and passed again… and then again. Prospective buyers of course, but so soon?

It was more than I could bear and so I began that week in grief and despair. I was never going to lightly face the prospect of having to move from this house.

And then I remembered my cards.

The 6 Wands – the card of recognition, acclaim and success – and Pink Flannel Flower, which promotes an awareness of life’s blessings.

A word more on the flannel flowers before I continue: There are three in the Bush Essences range and they seem to relate to different aspects of the child within us all, no matter how old we become. Playfulness, trust, optimism and fun are their keywords.

The Pink Flannel Flower especially makes me think of that image expressed in a song or a prayer of being cupped gently in the protective hand of the Almighty.

It says to me, don’t fear little one, I’ve got you safe and I’m not going anywhere.

That sense of security is what grants the space and freedom to stop sweating on the bad stuff and instead be delighted in the good.

With these cards in mind I set off for work determined to trust to fate that the house situation – about which I can do nothing – would turn out to be a positive change in the end.

I realised that I must instead keep focused on getting my job situation resolved.

The election has now been and gone. The government was returned and the Minister’s staff remain employed. This is the moment I have waited for all these months, the moment when a decision was promised about my appointment, and I have been more taken up with weeping over my home.

But back to my cards. If I wanted the rewards suggested by the 6 Wands, I thought, I’d better start demanding them.

If it was true that they never intended to confirm my appointment, that I was a foolish fill-in for the office manager’s friend, they would need a reason, a failing of mine, to get rid of me.

So I went in to work on Wednesday with a clear head and a firm resolve to strike first.

I wrote a letter to the chief of staff. It had a twin purpose. I wanted the situation clear in my mind and I wanted to be sure I could present my case without resorting to personal attacks or insults against June, the bullying office manager.

I was no longer seeking a permanent position. After the way I feel I’ve been treated, I just wanted it on the record and, with luck, to force some sense of obligation to find me something else, and fast.

I never had a chance to deliver the letter.

Carmen, lately one of the Minister’s advisors and now the newly elected Member for Outer Smuggington, came into the office and offered me a job, running her electorate office.

How much better than anything else I may have had in mind is that?

Even the house situation gets turned around as I now must look for something more conveniently located for my new job.

And the money is better too.

Then it hit me, the full wonder of it.

Without the wit to seek it I have all I could wish for, including my first secure job since leaving England four and a half years ago.

On Monday night when I was still at my most pitiful, I had wept down the phone to Jason that I was just so tired.

To be uncertain of my job was one thing. To be uncertain of my home as well was more than I could bear. And I was just too tired to stand it any longer with any kind of good grace.

Well, at the end of the week I can take a deep breath and say I made it.

At the end of my strength, I have reached a gentle shore, by the grace and guiding hand of the Lady.

Blessed be.

3 Wands and Red Grevillea

From the Robin Wood Tarot

The strength to leave stuck situations – that’s what Red Grevilea is for. And the reversed 3 Wands signifies a stark situation.

Immediately I think of my job – my doing nothing, going nowhere job, but although it seems to be obvious, it is not a reluctance to leave that holds me back but the promise of a looming election.

My three month probation is over, but the chief of staff won’t confirm my appointment as the Minister’s personal assistant. He says it’s because there may be an election soon, in which case we may all be out of a job.

I suspect I’ll be out of a job regardless – my friends among the advisors seem convinced that I will never be confirmed. They tell me Mandy has been boasting about the big promotion she’ll be returning to after her maternity leave, which will put me where, exactly?

Who knows, but to be working in a political office during an election – well, that would be an interesting experience regardless so to leave now is not logical and I don’t think this week’s cards refer to that.

Something else happened this week. I met a man called Robert for coffee, yes through the dreaded internet dating site, and had a very nice time.

The last time I went on a date I behaved as if I was going to a funeral. This time, I felt pleased to be going, pleased to be there and now pleased to have done it.

Robert is not a man for me, but he is a nice man and I’m very glad to have resumed my search in such genial company.

And Jason? I spoke to him on Monday night and the subject of the UK and Christmas arose.

Before I knew what I was about I was crying as I told him I could not go, would not have some half-relationship with him to keep me from forming a full relationship with someone else.

I meant it when I said this inability for us to be together is the saddest thing I ever heard of – sadder than death, which can’t be helped – but there it is, and I cannot change it.

I can only dry my tears and move on.

Ace of Wands and Philotheca

From the Robin Wood Tarot

When I took the job in the Office of the Minister for Circumlocution and Obfuscation, it was with the explicit intention of spending this year with my prime focus on my writing.

Promotion, therefore, was neither sought nor expected. But when it was offered, I was thrilled.

I’ve been given a wonderful opportunity to work as the Minister’s personal assistant, based in his rather grand office at Parliament House when it’s sitting.

This last week was my first in the role, with my first Parliamentary week next week.

I was feeling pretty stroked and stoked at the outset. What an incredible opportunity to land unlooked for in my lap.

It didn’t last. I was running up and down the corridor, hand-holding my replacement in the receptionist job and cleaning out my new office which had been left in a horrible state.

I was already feeling that I’d been dumped in at the deep end when I heard the rumour going around the office.

The rumour is that my new job has been promised to Mandy the regular receptionist on her return from maternity leave. That I’m really just a fill-in and my three months probation will finish just in time for her to come back to work.

It’s all office politics – and I’ve never seen it played so hard and dirty as in a political office.

It goes something like this: June, the Minister’s previous personal assistant, had been engaged in a long and bitter war with office manager Christine.

I can attest that Christine was bullied relentlessly and undermined at every turn by June, who is possibly the most obnoxious person I’ve ever met. She is a big, loud woman who thunders through the corridors of power terrorising even the most senior advisors.

The first time I encountered her was a fairly typical example of the woman.

I heard her coming long before I saw her. A voice shouting from the furthest reaches of the ministerial floor getting louder as she progressed down the hall from the grand ministerial office suite all the way to my desk out the front, getting louder with every step.

“Which of you f***ing tea-leaves has stolen my f***ing pen? The Minister gave me that pen and I want it back.”

Astonishingly, every single one of the Minister’s staff dropped what they were doing and instituted a hunt for the missing pen. When it turned up, on her desk, she offered no apology for accusing her colleagues of theft.

I soon learned that this dreadful woman had a particular target in the form of Christine, the office manager, and had been waging a sustained and ugly campaign against her.

The rest of the Minister’s staff, all of them, are terrified of June, who is known to have the Minister’s Ear. While they tried to alleviate Christine’s misery, they never once stood up for her, as far as I could see, lest the Wrath of June fall upon their heads.

Last week June emerged victorious. Christine resigned and June replaced her as office manager – hence my sudden promotion.

The Minister’s Advisors, who have all at one time or another been on the wrong side of June, have each quietly taken me aside and warned me to be careful.

They say this coup has been a long time in the planning and June’s next obvious move is to get her best friend Mandy, currently off having a baby, into her old chair.

They believe she has no intention of confirming my appointment at the end of the probation period and there’ll be nothing I can do about it, except keep an eye out for another job.

I plummeted from feeling recognised and appreciated to used and abused and it wasn’t nice.

Philotheca is about letting in praise and acknowledgement – hard when you feel you’re being seen as a caretaker for someone widely acknowledged as useless.

Because that’s the other thing. If there’s one thing everyone in the office agrees on, except the Minister obviously, it’s that both June and Mandy are completely rubbish at their jobs.

I’m beginning to think that June has a bit more than the Minister’s Ear.

It’s hard to avoid feeling that everything has gone spectacularly wrong.

The extra responsibilities of the new job – so welcome when it seemed to be a step forward after years of standing still – mean that I’ve failed in my primary purpose too. The one where I was supposed to sit in a cushy government office and write erotic novels in between answering the telephone.

I threw it away in a fit of vanity and my life at work has gone from easy pleasantries to being whispered at every time I leave my desk about the precariousness of my position.

And then I looked at the situation again.

My abilities are acknowledged and recognised – by the departing Christine and by the advisors – and I have at least three months to show them off to the Minister, his Chief of Staff and all those people I’ll be dealing with at Parliament House.

And back in the office, without the bother of the phones, I should have more time for writing, not less.

All I have to do is my best, and trust that the reversed Ace of Wands will right itself in due course.